I got my legs sugared yesterday. Contrary to what may first pop into your mind, I didn’t dust my legs with powdered sugar or rub them with with Skittles.

Sugaring is an alternative to waxing. Yes, it really is made with sugar – it kind of looks like soft caramel. It’s not as painful, not as complicated, and not as messy, as washes off a lot more easily than wax does, having a sugar base. It’s kept warm in a little tub, and instead of applying it with a stick and then placing a fabric strip over it, you apply it directly with your hands and rip it off with your hands, too. I go to an amazing lady here in Bozeman who has been doing it for years. Lisa is a sugaring master.

(If I were a sugaring master, I think I’d want the sugar I was master of to be edible.)

Anyway. Lisa usually does a very thorough job, but after she had finished and left the room, I inspected my legs as I normally do and found a patch that hadn’t been completely stripped. I’d seen her use the sugar substance a hundred times before, so the thought popped into my head that I could reach discreetly into the tub, grab some of the sugar and with a quick flick of my wrist, make that stubborn patch conform with the rest of my smooth legs. No problem! Lisa makes it look so easy – how hard could it be? I’d only use a little, and she’d never know.

Looking back now, I see this was an exceptionally ill-conceived thought. Never in my life has such a seemingly firm substance turned so quickly into a supremely runny goo that immediately started getting intimate with everything near it, including the table, the sheet, the towel, my legs, my shirt, and even my hair. My hair?! Really?!? It must have happened when I tried to brush my hair out of my face with my sugar-coated hand. Disaster.

I started panicking. I grabbed the warm, damp towel that she’d given me to wash the sugar remnants from my legs and began frantically scrubbing everything the sugar had adhered itself to. After what seemed like an eternity, I finally de-sugarfied it all.

And the patch of hair is still there. All that mess for nothing.

Lisa, if you’re reading this, I’ve learned my lesson. I’ll keep my fingers out of your sugar from now on and let you – the sugar master – do the work.